He Needs Me
by WrenClayton
Summary: Spoilers up to On The Head Of A Pin. It hasn't been that long since Dean got out of Hell, and he's far from recovered. Castiel just wants to help, but things have gotten so much worse since the incident with Alastair. Warnings: Abuse, sexual violence, emotional trauma, Stockholm Syndrome. No happy ending. This story is somewhat of a follow-up to Prey.


**Note to my readers: If someone you love is hurting you, do NOT stay with them, even if you think they need you. What they need is help from someone they can't abuse, physically or otherwise.**

**Be safe, everyone.**

Something was wrong with Dean. And it was scaring Castiel.

He couldn't believe it had been less than a year since he'd pulled Dean out of Hell. So much had happened. He and Dean had fought together and they'd fought each other. And then, one night, Dean had dragged him into a hot, desperate kiss, and shortly after that, he'd dragged Castiel into the nearest bed. And it ought to have felt weird and awkward, but the only thing it felt was _overdue._

Castiel didn't know how to categorize what they had. Sometimes Dean would shout at him, begging Castiel to forget Heaven for one fucking second and help him save lives. Other times he'd hold Castiel and just close his eyes and not say a word, exuding protectiveness. And sometimes, in rare, special moments, Dean would be lying naked in bed next to him and he'd run his finger down Castiel's nose and say something like, "For an angel, you've got crap stamina."

It was up and down, on and off. Castiel still had a duty to Heaven, and Dean had his own agenda, and when their interests conflicted there was no afterglow nose-stroking with Dean. But Castiel didn't want to ever lose what they had, weird as it was. He didn't want to lose Dean.

Which is why he was so scared now. Ever since the thing with Alastair, Dean hadn't been the same.

* * *

Something was wrong with Dean. And it was scaring him. Dean had always known he was fucked up but he didn't realize how much.

He ought to feel relieved. Any normal person would. Alastair was dead, gone, couldn't hurt him anymore. He _hated _that demon more than he could remember hating anything, more than he'd hated Azazel. More than he hated the boy who stabbed his Sammy. He hated Alastair so much it was like a physical lump in his chest, searing his insides, burning to get out and rip that demon to pieces.

_"Dean, Dean. I am disappointed. You know you're not allowed to say no."_

_"I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry — "_

_"Tsk tsk. How will you ever make it up to me?"_

Now that the bastard was finally fucking gone, he ought to feel safe, for the first time in a long time. He ought to feel closure and satisfaction. But the night after Sam killed Alastair, Dean had curled up under the covers in their cheap motel room and held his stomach and cried himself to sleep. He hated himself for it. He wasn't crying because he was upset from the day, or because it had reminded him of Hell, or because Sammy was doing something dark and awful and he was terrified for his little brother.

All these things were true, of course. But what wrenched the tears out of Dean's body was the fact that Alastair was dead.

_"There there, let's get you off that rack. Shh, I know, feels so much better to be off that nasty thing, doesn't it?"_

He felt crushed and lost and _guilty. _That was the bit that killed him, he felt fucking guilty. And every fiber of his body was screaming for some relief from the shame.

* * *

It was a few days after Alastair. Castiel fluttered into Dean's room to check up on him. Dean didn't even look up, sitting on the foot of his bed, staring dully at the wall across from him.

Castiel took a cautious step closer. "Where's Sam?"

"With Ruby," Dean grunted. Somewhere deep down he could feel the rage boiling, but he just couldn't make himself care. There was only one demon on his mind.

Castiel fidgeted uncertainly. "Are… are you okay?"

"Fan fucking tastic," Dean bit out.

* * *

Castiel stepped closer to Dean, then sat down on the bed next to him. For a moment Dean stiffened, like he was about to push Castiel away, but he relaxed when Castiel laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

" … I can only imagine how difficult these past few days have been," Castiel ventured. He had no idea how to help Dean, but he knew he _had _to help somehow.

Dean gave a short, dry, humorless laugh. "You know what's fucked up? When I had Alastair on the rack, you know what it felt like?" His brief smile crumbled. "It felt like being home."

Castiel fidgeted. He didn't know what to do. He thought maybe the best course of action would be to just sit here quietly with Dean, wait to see what Dean needed. Maybe he just needed company. Castiel leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek softly. Dean turned to face him, eyebrows pursed like concept of gentle affection was confusing. Castiel didn't move for a few moments, just staring into Dean's eyes, trying to pour all his love and concern into the look. He closed the distance between them slowly, this time kissing Dean on the lips. Dean's eyes closed and he started returning it after a few seconds. Castiel scooted closer and deepened the kiss, running a hand over Dean's leg. Dean let out a desperate groan and grabbed Castiel's hair suddenly, biting his lip hard. Castiel gave a little grunt of surprise, but didn't pull back.

* * *

Dean shivered at the soft noise of pain his bite drew from Castiel. A small spark of the aching, raging violence in his body drifted away, leaving relief in its wake. His hand fisted in Castiel's hair and he bit the angel again, hard, then moved down to his neck, leaving red marks on the pale skin. Castiel let out little hisses with each bite, tensing under him, and it felt good and right and it took away his _pain._

Pain of failing.

Pain of failing _Alastair_.

* * *

Castiel grunted as Dean shoved him roughly onto the bed and climbed on top of him. Dean could be intense and passionate but he'd never been rough like this before. He'd never _hurt _Castiel. He grunted in surprise when Dean ripped his shirt open, buttons flying across the bed. When Dean's hands found his nipples and_twisted_, Castiel shoved him back.

"Dean, not so hard — "

"Shut up," Dean growled.

Castiel panted up at him, cringing when Dean gave another twist.

"You're an angel, you can take this." Dean swallowed, his voice softening, breaking. " … I fucking need this, Cas. Just… just let me."

Castiel swallowed uncertainly. He needed to help Dean, any way he could. So when Dean returned to his neck and bit until he bruised, Castiel just closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, letting his hands slip off of Dean's shoulders.

* * *

Dean gave a little groan into Castiel's neck, running his hands roughly over the angel's body. His heart was racing and his throat was tight, but deep in his core he felt safer than he had in months. Castiel's jerks and whimpers of pain were more soothing than any words could be.

_"Dean, my favorite little bloodbag. And what have you done today?"_

_" … You know what I did… "_

_ "Out loud, Dean. Tell me."_

_" … I killed."_

Dean remembered the agonies of Hell far more clearly than he wished he did. But this, the sound of someone else's pain, rising and falling at his command, _this_ had kept those agonies at bay when nothing else could. This was his shelter in the storm.

Doing this made Alastair proud of him.

Dean shoved Castiel's coat and shirt off his arms, ripping off his own jacket as well and tossing them all to the floor. He wanted all of Castiel's body exposed to his hands and nails and teeth, wanted to mark up the angel.

* * *

Castiel trembled as Dean bit down his chest, then his stomach, grabbing his pants and yanking them off. When Dean's teeth dug into his leg so hard they drew blood, Castiel convulsed.

"Dean_, _g-gentle… "

Dean ignored him, tugging Castiel's pants down to his ankles, shoving his legs apart roughly. Castiel's heart was pounding. Dean was scaring him. This wasn't right, this wasn't how it was supposed to feel. Dean slid up Castiel's body again and bit at his chest, groping between his legs. He found Castiel's balls and squeezed them, twisting.

Castiel grabbed Dean's wrist. "Dean, stop, that hurts — "

"Shut. Up." Dean's voice was low and dangerous. He wrenched his hand out of Castiel's grip, grabbing his hair. "I fuckin' _wanna _hurt you."

_Need to help Dean. I just want to help Dean. _Castiel swallowed and nodded, moving his hands away, whimpering when Dean's hand shoved back between his legs.

* * *

His body was thrumming. This felt so good he couldn't see straight. Dean slotted himself between Castiel's legs, sucking possessive marks onto Castiel's neck.

_"And what have you done today, Dean?"_

_"I killed."_

Dean wrenched Castiel's legs farther apart, lifting them, grabbing the angel's ass and squeezing it.

"Mine, Cas," he growled into Castiel's neck. "Fuckin' mine." He found Castiel's hole and shoved a finger in, smirking against Castiel's neck when he felt the angel flinch under him. "Gonna fuck you like you're mine."

_"And what have you done today, Dean?"_

_"I killed, sir."_

* * *

Castiel choked when Dean shoved the finger into him. He tried to stay quiet, tried to relax so it didn't hurt so much. He could take this for Dean. He had to.

Dean needed him.

* * *

Castiel was so soft and hot inside. And so compliant, lying still and letting Dean just do whatever he wanted. His to play with. He'd needed this, needed it so badly.

_"And what have you done today, Dean?"_

_"I killed. Killed a lot. I made them scream."_

Dean pulled his finger out of Castiel and spat on his hand before shoving it back between the angel's legs, lubing up his hole.

"You gonna scream for me, Cas?" he panted into the angel's neck.

"If… if you want me to… "

Dean bit Castiel's ear, guiding his cock to the angel's wet hole. "Oh, I want you to."

* * *

Castiel stiffened when he felt the blunt head of Dean's cock nudging against him. He'd had Dean inside him before, but it had never been like this. Dean would always spend forever prepping him, working Castiel open with his tongue, using long wet licks and hugging Castiel's legs as he tongued his angel, pressing his face in. When Castiel was good and slick and breathless, Dean would scoot up the bed to kiss him and finger him, waiting until his angel was begging before slowly sliding his cock in. Castiel had done the same for Dean when Dean wanted a turn. It was always nice and gentle and it had never hurt.

This hurt. The fingering had been too fast, too dry. And now Dean was just going to shove his thick cock into Castiel's body with barely a smear of spit to ease the way. Castiel almost pulled away when he felt Dean trying to push into him. It was going to hurt, he was scared. Dean's hand was rough on his hip, bruising, ordering him to hold still. Castiel bit down a sob when Dean started to slip inside.

"Keep your legs spread," Dean panted, grabbing Castiel's hips and slamming into him.

And Castiel screamed just like Dean wanted him to.

* * *

Dean groaned into Castiel's neck, loud and hungry. He could feel Castiel shaking under him, not fighting back as he gave another thrust. Sweet angel ass stretched out on his cock, all warm and snug around him as he fucked into it.

_"And what have you done today, Dean?"_

_"Killed. Cut. Fucked. It felt good."_

Dean grabbed Castiel's neck to hold him still, slamming his cock again and again into that nice, tight heat. Castiel squirmed under him and whimpered, and it felt _so good._

_"And what have you done today, Dean?"_

_"I got off, Alastair. I got off so many times. This last one, she… she kept begging me. It felt so good."_

_" … Good. I'm proud of you, Dean."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"You've come such a long way. Not a bloodbag anymore, are you? No, you're a predator now. More than that. You're my favorite predator. How would you like me to join you for the next one?"_

_"I… I'd like that more than anything."_

Dean's eyes slid closed and he lost himself in the feeling of having a body shaking under him, his cock buried in a nice tight ass. Scared whimpers meeting each thrust.

* * *

Castiel bit his lip hard as Dean slammed into him. Dean's hand was tight around his neck, choking him. Castiel didn't need to breathe, but it still felt wrong, uncomfortable. He wanted to pull it away, wanted to throw Dean off of him, fly away from this room and go somewhere safe and dark and isolated, but the look of pleasure on Dean's face made him stay put. Castiel couldn't make Dean stop, not when he was making his hunter feel so good. When there seemed to be so little that could make Dean feel good these days.

And… he didn't know why, but… it was starting to make him feel good too.

* * *

Dean let out a short, breathless laugh when he felt Castiel's cock stiffening against his stomach.

"Like this, Cas?" he panted, biting the angel's lips.

Castiel just looked away, his cheeks flushing pink. He looked like he didn't know the answer himself.

Dean reached between them and gave Castiel's cock a stroke. "You _do_ like this, like being shoved around a bit. Huh? Don't you?" He squeezed Castiel's cock and Castiel moaned. "You fuckin' like this."

Castiel whimpered when Dean's cock slid into him, down to the base. " … I like this," he replied, shaking.

* * *

If he liked this, that must mean it was okay.

Dean was thrusting into him faster, his breath hot against Castiel's neck. His fingers were still wrapped tight around it, squeezing, and Dean laughed when Castiel choked in response.

"Dirty little slut, Cas. Don't worry, gonna get you off too. Know you love this."

Dean's hand was jerking him off with quick, skillful strokes. There were tears in Castiel's eyes but his cock was twitching in Dean's hand.

* * *

_"You've done such a good job today, Dean. Maybe you'd like a reward."_

_" … Yeah? A reward?"_

_"A little break from all that hard, hard work. Hm? Why don't I show you how proud you're making me?"_

_"Ah… yes, please… "_

_"I bet that feels good."_

_"Y-yes, Alastair, please… ah, keep going… "_

Dean closed his eyes as he thrust into Castiel, hand jerking fast over that nice hard cock. If he really let himself go, he could almost smell the sulphur.

* * *

It felt good. It felt really good. He barely cared that it hurt, too. Castiel grabbed Dean's shoulders and held him close, gasping each time Dean slammed into him. He was going to come, he was going to come from this, come with Dean pounding him sore.

"D-Dean… " Castiel panted into Dean's neck, wrapping his legs around his hunter. "J-just a little more, please… "

Dean grabbed his hair. "Not hard enough?"

Castiel whined. "P-please, I-I wanna come for you."

Dean slammed his hips forward and Castiel screamed, grabbing at Dean's back. Another thrust and his scream choked off. Another one and he came.

* * *

Dean could feel Castiel writhing under him, tightening up, come dribbling over his hand as he jerked the angel off. He bit Castiel's neck, the part that he wasn't grabbing. God yes, Castiel wanted this, Castiel loved this, loved being hurt and fucked hard. Loved being _his._

_"And what have you done today, Dean?"_

_And Dean didn't answer that time. He looked up from his work table, blood dripping down his elbows, and took a few shaky steps towards Alastair until he was close enough to lean in and kiss him longingly._

Dean gave one last, hard thrust into Castiel's body and came so hard he almost blacked out. He couldn't breathe for a few seconds, just shuddering as the tension poured out of him in hot spurts.

_"I love you."_

_"I know, Dean."_

* * *

Dean let out a long breath and rolled off of Castiel, collapsing on the bed next to him, panting up at the ceiling. Castiel didn't move, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He couldn't stop shaking. He was sore and he could feel Dean's come leaking out of him. He usually loved that feeling. But right now it was making him feel dirty, used, ashamed. His stomach was doing something strange, heaving, like it was trying to get out of his body.

He hurt all over, spots of pain wherever Dean's teeth had landed. Dean's voice kept repeating in his head, a filthy whisper. _You like this._

* * *

Dean's breath was still coming in huffs, his head still spinning. For a few, blissful seconds, there was nothing but serenity.

_Sam's nose wrinkled in concentration, his fist clenching. The life went out of Alastair's body._

The guilt came crashing back like a knife to his stomach. Dean choked and rolled over, grabbing Castiel and pulling him close.

"You've gotta stay," he mumbled, nuzzling Castiel's bruised neck. "I… I need you here, okay?"

* * *

Castiel's whole body hurt, but his heart lifted at the gentleness of Dean's touch, the need in his voice. He rolled over to face the hunter. "Of course I'll stay," he murmured.

Dean nodded, biting his lip. Castiel hugged him close, whispering soothing words and stroking his hair while Dean shook against him. Dean needed him, and he wasn't going anywhere. He would do _anything_ for Dean.


End file.
